It started with a slight I crease in my clumsiness. Nothing big enough grab my attention or anyone else’s at that time. From there it seemed as though my aches and pains magnified and my ability to think quickly on my feet had slowed to a foot-dragging speed.
At this point Beloved had seen enough of the signs to know that we were in an all out battle with a raging lupus flare again. Me? I’m sure at some level I registered the signs, but the thing was I thought I could just push through it. And the other thing I had decided to do was ignore it and hope it would go away. Which never works, but I still try it all the time.
Beloved prepared for wha would happen. He gathered books, tablets, cell phones and chargers to be placed near the bed. He cooked up a storm, some to be frozen, some for immediate and next day use.
Then he went for a walk with the dog, came home and tried some deep breathing before going into battle. The first skirmish was to get me to rest, to slow down and rest. This isn’t an easy task, nor was his next, getting me to phone the doctor.
For him once I’m either sorted in bed or at the hospital things get more simple and he can slow down. It also means that for him this is the time fear settles around him, falling over him like a heavy blanket.
For me, this is when the real war takes place. Meds are fired into my system, exhaustion thrown into to the mix and rest falls uneasy upon me. And yet it is during these times that I feel at my most calm. The fear of what lupus may do is nowhere to be found. I don’t have the time or energy for it.
I don’t typically fear lupus, I’m a bit weary and cautious about it, but I’m not afraid. It’s already done so much damage, but still I strive towards my goals and dreams. Beloved will find his own uneasy truce with lupus, it’s something that comes with time. Just as racing the signs come with time. Unless you are like me and choose to ignore what is right in front of you that is!