Lupus – How We Do It

Beloved swept into the room as if he was above this all.  He was just suddenly there looking great while I was stuck with basically small garden hoses and such coming out of my arms. My and let’s not omit that stunning piece of fashion known as the hospital gown.

If I had the energy, I would have wrapped one of those garden hoses around his neck until he turned a lovely shade of purple.  Not to kill him mind you, just so he could blend in with the rest of us!😉

The fact he had come from one place and was stopping briefly to see me before he went to another place didn’t help either.  I hate knowing that ere is a whole other world just beyond the hospital walls I’m stuck behind.

Don’t misunderstand, I know I need to be in the hospital at these times, but frankly seeing him so well and undamaged drives me up a wall.  I have just the slightest bit of a jealous bone and when he comes in like that the bone grows to fill all my bones.

Yes friends I am jealous of his health and how he still comes and goes as needed.  I know the truth is a bit different though.  The truth is that these visits are torture for him too because it means that once again he is reminded and forced to deal with the fact im not nearly as well as I pretend.

it drives him up a wall that I’m not there.  That this isn’t a quick fix.  That our lives are run sometimes not by our wants or desires and instead by lupus.  And mostly it drives him crazy to know there isn’t anything he can do other than visit and carry on.

So he breezes in and breezes out so as not to show too much of his hurt to me.  And I, for my part, threaten to strangle him so he has to leave sooner.  And we both laugh!  Yes this is partially how we live with and cope with lupus.

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