Today Was Different

It was one of those days where I really wished I didn’t have to get out of bed.  I had just found a comfortable spot, a warm spot and so I was loath to get out into the cold air.  Normally I dont give in to these feeling, instead I take a breath, and push back  the covers.  After all the day doesn’t wait for me.

But today was a big different.  Today I took a breath, then another and simply could not make myself get out of bed.  My get up and go had gone without me.  Come to think of it, Beloved and the dog had gone too.  And strangely the bed was like quicksand.  Each time I moved to get up, it pulled me deeper into it.

Beloved came home and checked on me, assuring me there was no place for my feelings of guilt.  By this point I had struggled free of the quicksand, err bed I mean, and made my way to the sofa.  I had nothing to show for my day, not one thing, and yet Beloved   was thrilled with this accomplishment.  The accomplishment was one of rest.

you see friends I suck at resting.  Yes I have lupus, yes the one thing I should do is rest.  Heck lupus exhausts me and yet I don’t rest.  I need lessons on resting.  So when I do spend hours or days resting, Beloved almost gives me a good star and tells me I need the rest and there is nothing wrong with it.  The problem is that then I feel behind on things and have to rush to get caught up which depletes the energy I just found.  Lupus and rest is an unending cycle, one that seems to be getting me no where.  But maybe it isn’t about getting somewhere, maybe it’s about the experiences.

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