I Meant …

I meant to get all dressed up for a night on the town.  I meant to put on my “elegant face” and best necklace.  I meant to pull out my fancy shoes, the ones that are anything but practical.  I meant to put the necessities in my impossibly tiny purse.  I even meant to put on my long gloves.  So we could have a night out, on the town, like mature grown-ups.

Instead Beloved went to the celebrations alone while I skipped the whole make-up and fancy hairstyle.  While Beloved put on his best, shiny shoes, I threw on a pair of comfortable socks!  While he headed out in fine evening wear, I threw on my comfy, not-fit-to-be-seen-by-anyone clothes.  He headed out for adventure and fun and I stayed in recovering from fun and prepared for my own adventure with Lupus.

Dont judge him too harshly,afterall life carries on despite Lupus.  At first I’d feel horrible about having to miss out and about him staying because he felt guilty.  We’d both feel awful about standing people up or letting tickets go to waste.  Eventually that all wears too thin.  Eventually he started going and making plans regardless of whether or not I’d attend.  He doesn’t have the disease, he has someone in his life who does.  He still has his life to live, his functions to attend.  I attend some of these vicariously through others! 😉

So while he is out tonight enjoying fun, frivolity and basically forgetting about all the mundane boredom of life, I am curled up with the dog and waiting to see how dreadful this flare is going to be.  A year or two ago I’d tell you this is just pure adventure, but now it’s a bit like a horror movie.  You never know what is going to go wrong, but you just know it isn’t going to something small.

Do I begrudge him any of this?  Nope not in the least!  He earned it after putting up with me!


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