Laundering Money

I admit it, I’m a money launderer. I’m not proud of it, but desperate times call for desperate measures. It was all so innocent when I first started, too innocent to be honest.

You see I normally don’t have money in my pockets, usually it’s in my purse or wallet, not loose in a pocket. And thus it was as I did a load of laundry I started my career as a money launderer. I didn’t even know what I had until I went to iron my pants and there was clearly something in my pocket. Something that refused to iron smoothly. With a bit of hesitation I stick my hand in and pulled out a crumpled bill. Not a huge sum of money was found, but the way I was carrying on you would have thought I won the lottery.

That was the first time, since then I’ve committed this crime repeatedly. I’ve learned from this. For example if the bill has been horribly damaged the bank may not take it and then you have a harder time. I’ve also learned that despite the fact that your money may be neatly folded when you throw your pants in the wash, it will always end up a crumpled mess in your pocket.

I’ve also learned it doesn’t pay to launder coins, they don’t hold still in your pockets, they have no interest in just getting clean and then becoming a surprise when you put your pants on or decide to iron them. Nope coins will fall out and clang around in the washer and dryer. If the coins were dirty when you placed them in the wash, you may end up with a dirty, coin shaped splotch on your “clean” clothing requiring you to rewash the load.

So far the police haven’t come to arrest me and for this I’m grateful. I’m not sure how I’d manage doing hard time for laundering money simply because I forget to check my pockets before starting the wash. Where is the street cred in that?


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