Superstition, Cancer and Uncle Murphy

Beloved was trying hard to play it cool but his face gave it away.  A clean bill of health!  This would be worth celebrating except he didn’t want to tempt fate, as he put it.

Fate, according to Beloved, is a bit like a fickle female, which according to mythology is more or less what the Fates were.  To tempt fate, in his world, is to invite the opposite of such you wish into life.  He wont admit to being superstitious, but clearly he is.

I don’t disagree with him in some ways for there have been many times when things are going swimmingly and I think how easy it is and then good old Uncle Murphy and his law show up.  You see I don’t believe in predetermined outcomes, just Uncle Murphy and his ways of messing things up.  Which I guess is in its own way a bit of superstition.

Bbut a clean bill of health after then if C as they say, is a wonderful thing.  When we first knew of his cancer he had decided, as so many folks do, that it was a death sentence.  I told him then, as I still say cancer starts with C.  So do the words Change and Chance.  Death starts with D… We reminded ourselves of this over and over when we needed to.

Cancer did mean a change in life, but it also meant a chance to revisit what is really important in live.  We didn’t get to a positive place right away, there was shock or anger and most certainly denial.  At times I was certain he wasn’t going to fight, and  that would be okay with me too as it is his life and his choice (another lovely thing with Cancer is choice or lack thereof).  But here we are now, a clean bill of health and a grin he can’t contain, and a deep breath that has to be one of the sweetest sounds I’ve ever heard.  I can say these things because even Uncle Murphy has some sense of when not to mess with a good thing!


One of those days

It was one of those days, the kind that you don’t want to leave the house and would prefer to ignore everything and do just what pleases you.  The problem is when you are chronically ill, seriously chronically ill these days see, too often and not for doing much beyond sleeping or resting.

I have to confess, I’m tired of sleeping and resting.  I know I need it, but I’m rather bored with that being the go to answer for doing not so much what pleases me but pleases my body.  Sure lupus is no little feather weight and this is an anything goes,kind of fight to the death.  I’m prepared for that, however I’m tired of being tired.  I’m tired of sleep or rest being what pleases me most.

well I appreciate the days of just staying home and doing what pleases one, frankly what I would sooner have is a day that is free to go out and bout with all the energy of a toddler who’s discovered running and the world!

But it was one of those days where I wanted to do whatever and just didn’t have the strength or energy.  So I settled down with some reading and let the day unfold as it would.  I read for pleasure as well as for work and I tired to convinced myself that I was really pleased with resting.  I compromised with being pleased with reading and that I was able to afford  this luxury.

Recycling Water

I was a drowned rat, I couldn’t get any wetter if I tried.  Water streamed off me, flowing in rivers and forming lakes on the floor.  As I lifted a wet hand to push back the soaked hair that was plastered to my head I flung water droplets throughout the hall.  For a second I realized why the dog loved to shake his wet coat off in this room.  You could get some serious distance in this room!

Beloved stared at me, wordless, a smile playing just around the edges of his mouth and making his eyes crinkle just so!  A towel was in his hand, but I didn’t think it would do much against the amount of wet!  The dog seemed to know enough to stay out of the room as I dripped on the floor.

“you could go and shake the worst of it off before coming in here,” he offered.  I simply looked at him, shake it off where?  Outside where it was raining?  Oh yes that would be just brilliant wouldn’t it?

I took off my wax jacket, stepped out of my wellies and reached for the towel as the thought fully formed in my mind.  It was a lovely thought, well okay it depending upon who you sided with, but as far as I was concerned it was just perfect.  So I took the towel with one hand and wrung out my wet hair on his feet with the other!

“look honey,” I said with glee, “I brought the outdoors inside, just for you!”  I left him with his wet socks, standing there while I went in to get dried off.

He padded into the room, wet socks in his hand and demanded  to know why I behaved like a child.  The only answer that came to my mind was to stick out my tongue, and so I did and then said “Mama always said sharing was good, so I did!”

He pulled in dry shocks, uttering something about ill-mannered Americans who lack culture and headed off to make tea.  I joined him in the kitchen, called him a stuffy European and made a coffee. Then we sat down to enjoy each other’s thoughts and conversation!


Precariously Precious

He phoned and said h couldn’t come home.  Not he was running late,  it that he couldn’t come home.  We were going to have to sort something out because he had been exposed to measles and with me on immunosuppressive drugs I couldn’t run the risk.

a friend who hadn’t been near him stopped by to pick up what he needed for the duration of his time away.  He would spend that time with another friend until it was safe for us to be near each other.

it turned out to be nothing more than a precaution but it made us realize just how precious and precarious everything is.

Not Exactly To Plan

You ever have one of those moments where you wonder how on earth it is that you ended up where you currently are?

It isn’t a case of not paying attention to the journey, but somehow you lose track of some of those twists and turns and end up in a slightly different path.  You end up not exact,y where you thought you would be, but that doesn’t mean it’s a bad thing.

Had my life gone as I had planned when in as younger I certainly wouldn’t have met some of the wonderful people I have in my life.  I also wouldn’t have had the experiences I’ve been blessed to have.  So my life didn’t go exactly to plan and I’m glad, truly glad for this!


Princess Soft

Beloved comes from a place where a person shuts the heat off before going to bed.  If a person is lucky, they have a timer to turn the heat back on a wee bit before you wake up.  That way you don’t feel as inclined to stay snuggled safe and warm in your bed. This is, of course, unusual for me, the girl from excess and wasteful ways!

The first time he did this, I thought it was a strange quirk, one I could train out of him.  But it isn’t a quirk, it’s an economical decision.  It cannot be trained out of his system.  We compromised a wee bit, the timer comes earlier so I don’t  have to deal with the cold first thing in the morning.

Does this make me a princess?  Does it make me soft?  Perhaps compared to the locals it does.

When Beloved came to my home, he filled the blurb with I exudes and cold water in an attempt to cool off.  He had every fan going and begged men I consider air conditioning for his comfort.  Actually he threatened to not wear any clothing if I didn’t get air conditioning.  Frankly the whole clothing optional bit is much cheaper than an air conditioner.  Does that make him a princess, well price I guess really, or soft?

it’s all a matter of how you view it and what you are used to.  Compared to someone who has to fight and struggle ever day for the basics of life, such as food, water and shelter, both Beloved and I are soft.  And each a I remind myself of this as I haul out the fans for Beloved or wait for the heat to kick in so I can get out of bed in the morning.


Getting Approval

What is it about meeting our partner’s parents that is so nerve-wracking?  I mean they are just people after all.  Sure in some cases their opinions and thoughts carry a lot of weight.  And in some cases their opinions and thoughts carry little to no weight.

Sometimes  it isn’t just our partner’s parents or step-parents we have to meet and pass their approval test.  Oh no, some times it isn’t that easy at all.  There are siblings and  cousins, favorite aunts and uncles to consider.  You may even have to get approval of his/her friends.

Rarely does this process happen all at once or after one meeting.  This all translates to being on your extra-best behavior for longer than its comfortable.  If this isn’t the sign of true devotion and love than I don’t know what is!

Getting the nod of approval and being told the password or taught the secret handshake is a big deal and not something to be taken too lightly.  Of course ultimately being our authentic and sincere self is the best plan of attack, but nerves do get in the way now and  then!